They’re here. Surrender. (Source: BBC)
Today, CBBC broadcast the first episode of their new show, ‘Meet the kittens’.
From the teaser I’ve watched more than once, I’ve deduced the following. The show follows Coco and Cleo, a pair of 8 month old real-life cats, on their journey to motherhood. They’re both about to have kittens. THAT’S RIGHT. TWO SETS OF KITTENS. ON YOUR TELLY. 
Coco and Cleo have been given Yorkshire accents. They live in the countryside. And, according to the evidently besotted woman providing the voice over, they “do what they like.” Yep. This show is going to break the telly.
The BBC knows we spend all our time watching cats on the internet, and it’s FIGHTING BACK WITH THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON KNOWN TO MAN.
These kittens will bring the productivity of Britain to a juddering halt as we all stop working, leave the dinner to burn, and let world leaders fight it out amongst themselves while we surrender to the celluloid crack that this show will undoubtedly be.
Like you, I now have a whirling maelstrom of questions. Questions like: ‘Why are Coco and Cleo from Yorkshire?’ ‘How will they deal with the inevitable sibling rivalry as they passively aggressively compare notes over which kitten starts walking and drinking babycinnos first?’ ‘When is a reasonable time to stop all pretense of working and watch the first episode?’ and ‘Why have you waited to now, CBeebies?’
Oh why are any of us pretending that you’re actually reading this? Just watch the first episode already.
You are welcome.

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